Hello, kiddies, this is your old humorist Crypt Keeper political Dick, wishing you a HORRIBLE Halloween! I’m here to tell you a tale of a creepy, old, old, old house of horrors! Hussein Obama’s Halloween Hip-Hop House of Fear is located in the terrifying Jeckyl and Hyde Park neighborhood of the sinister south side of Sickago, ILLinois. Also home of terrorist monsters William Ayers, Bernadin Dorn, and that ghoulish muslim mummy mischief maker, Louis Farrakhan. Now, is’nt THAT convenient? What other creepy liberal/regressive™ ghouls and goblins are lurking in ’DA HOOD?? I understand Obama recently added an Abbie Hoffman memorial fright wing to the haunted mansion. And if anyone can raise up the ’ol Abbster from the grave, Count Von Obama is offering a bling-bling encrusted string of love beads and a one-way trip to Havana, Cuba to meditate with the “one-foot-in-the-grave”, half-zombie half-corpse dictator, Infidel Castro! By the way, admission to the Count’s horror house is a 260% increase in your taxes and your first born. In honor of the grand opening of his House of Fear, word on the Crypt Keeper’s bloodline has it that Hussein Obama is courting the zombie vote. A Sickago, ILLinois judge has ruled that zombies can list their cemetery plots as their home address and have permission to vote for Count Von Obama on November 4th! 

What’s that you say bunkie? Just can’t channel scary? Well, sweetheart, just vote for Hussein Obama, and that’ll get you there! Isn’t it a little hypocritical for the dummycrat liberal/regressives™ to be accusing conservative Republicans of playing the fear card, when that’s exactly what they’re doing and have done, repeatedly in the past. The dummycrat liberal/regressives™ INVENTED the fear card! Playing the fear card again and again and again. Telling everyone “You will be worse off four years from now, than you are now, with a McCain administration!”

But sometimes you have to fight fear with fear. What people may mistake for FEAR CARD, might actually be simply FAIR WARNING. So, the old Crypt Keeper hopes that all you little kiddies sleep well, tonight, while you can. Because if Count Von Obama gets into the White House next week, between lengthening the recession and turning it into a decade long depression with socialist/communist™ economic policies, and inviting another terrorist attack a hundred times worse than 9/11 with the foreign policy of appeasing terrorists and dictators abroad, life in the good old USA is going to be one long NIGHTMARE! Okay, okay! Maybe the old Crypt Keeper IS dabbling a bit in fear fighting. But hey, at least I'm not a HYPOCRYPTOCRIT!

HEEEEEEEH - HEEEH - HA - HA - HA - HAGH - HEGH - HAAH -

HEEH - HEEH - HEEH - HEEH - HEEH!!

Be afraid, be very afraid. The slasher/horror movie syndrome is alive and well, even if most of the characters in them aren’t, at least by the end. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just that, hey, when you’ve got kids whacking each other in school, you’ve got to begin to wonder. I remember when I was  kid, play war with my friends using toy guns and rifles and helmets and all kinds of cool stuff in the local vacant lot. PRETENDING to kill your best friend who was PRETENDING to be a kraut soldier. Good, healthy, clean fun. At least we weren’t ACTUALLY killing each other. And the movies we were emulating were good old fashioned patriotic good guys against the bad guys stories where the bad guys were the Nazis and WE were the good guys. Liberal/regressives™ seem to have that reversed these days. And the good guys never gave up and WON and REALLY SAVED THE WORLD. Clear as a bell, the Liberty Bell.
Ah, but I digress. Here’s just a handful of the slasher/horror movie plots from the Blogbuster archives:
URBAN FEAST BEAST 4 - MICHAEL MOOREON EATS NEW JERSEY:
The corpulent crud master becomes possessed by the spirits of Orson Welles and Marlon Brando and goes HOG-wild grazing across the garden state sucking up everything in site. Then uses Hollywood for a toilet. Of course, his fraudumentary scripts come in handy for wiping up.
SLEAZERAISER - LARRY FLINTHEAD, APPOINTMENT WITH LUCIFER:
Larry Flinthead receives a message from his infernal benefactor, “Larry, it’s time Larry. Oh Larry. . . Time to make good on your part of the bargain. Oh, alright, I’ll let you have a few more years up here. But remember, when the time comes, you’re mine! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAA!!”
SCARY ROSIE:
A farcical romp through various  stages of the most frighteningly ugly and pathetic thing on the face of the earth - Rosie O’Donnells’s life.
A NIGHTMARE ON DEAN STREET:
Howard Dean slashes and hashes his way to Hollywood - then to New York - then to Washington D.C. - then to Chicago - then to Paducah - then Atlanta - then to the sea - then Podunk - then New Jersey -
YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRR
HHHHHHGGGGGGEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
THE HOLLYWEIRD CHAINSAW MASSACRE 6 - BILL “LEATHERFACE“ SHMAHER
BUZZES MALIBU:
The hateful Mr. No-talent Shmaher finally cracks, and flips out at all the butts he’s kissed over the years. One by one, the liberal nutjobs all along the left coast start dropping like flies from the deadly buzzsaw of his suck-egg bad jokes.
SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE 12 - BARBARA BOXHEAD AND NANCY EPELOPSI SLEEP IN:
The two sisters of sedition crash a slumber party of the teen children of the only conservative parents in San Fransicko, eliminating them one by one by boring them to death.
HALLOWEENIE 13 - THE LEGEND OF LARDBALL:
Chris Wrathpoos terrorizes his small home town of Bogus, PA with pathological whining and belligerent, hateful, offensive and erroneous diatribes against conservatives, in a vain attempt to top the treacherously false statements of Keith Doberman.
NAIL GUN MASSACRE II - KEITH DOBERMAN SHOOTS OFF:
The hateful psycho big mouth, professional whiner, and empty head of MSNBC trades in his wads of paper for a nail gun and goes on a shooting spree in the Land of Eternally Low Ratings. But all he manages to accomplish is eliminating all the MSNBC cameramen.
Have a nice Haloween.

Trained as a trial lawyer full of spin and rhetorical  zigs and zags and lies, Hussein Obama’s daily rants deserve an answer from the Heartland. So it is with great parody we present. . .

In the latest dictatorial blabbering from Hussein Obama, we have his latest desperate lies: “Tax cuts for everyone except the rich!” “My economic policies are not socialist/communist!” YEAH, SURE! And if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to nowhere to sell you. The truth is, we don’t need four more years of Carter/Clinton economic policies. He’ll probably deny THAT, too - That his policies will just be repeating the disasters of Carter and Clinton. But, DON’T YOU BELIEVE IT!

(OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE DOLE)



THE ABYSMAL HISTORY OF SOCIALIST COMMUNISM IN AMERICA

Well my friends, it’s time once again to crank down the humor and get down with some straight dope. The government has proven that they can’t control the economy. They never have, and they never will. Do we really want to be a country of sponges and leeches, like Europe, or Ca - ca - Canada?? Hussein the great says we can’t wait for the market to straighten itself out. He says the American people need that money NOW! The STUPIDITY of that argument is that any more than a little interference by the Government in the workings of the Market and the recession will last ten times longer than if we just leave it alone to build itself back up again. So you better wait, Mr. Hussein, you IDIOT, otherwise the economy will take 10 times longer to repair itself, just like in the 30’s, when Roosevelt screwed it up! Yeah, that’s right. Ask any self respecting economist and he’ll tell you that is fact. And Hussein Obama doesn’t want to wait. Well if we let him become President that’s exactly what we’re going to do. Wait and wait and wait. With his intrusive Dummycrat government taxing and spending, you and your family can look forward to a nice long, severe DEPRESSION. Maybe even longer than in the 1930’s!

Many other Dummycrats will tell you that Republicans claim it was Word War II that ended the great Depression. That’s a bunch of hooey, too. The economy finally overpowered Roosevelt’s “New Deal” interference by itself, and it just happened to coincide with the War. Most self respecting, intelligent, economics-savvy conservative Republicans know that. They also know that 98% of seniors and 2/3 of small businesses will have their taxes raised by a Hussein Obama/Dummycrat/Senatorial/Congressional autocracy. He wants people to be able to tap their 401k’s without penalty! GREAT! Then, when you go FLAT broke, and have no more 401k savings, you have to go to Uncle socialist communism for help. Moreover, 100% of jobs came from 75% of the 2% Hussein Obama wants to raise taxes on. That 75% are the small businesses of this country. He wants to take the money from those small businesses and give it away as social welfare, instead of letting those businesses keep that money to create jobs. But he just keeps denying it and denying it. Flat out lying to the American people. And the really scary thing is that so many people are swallowing it whole. And the rest who support him just want to get political revenge to satisfy their unjustifiable petty bitterness and hate for President Bush and the justifiable prosecution of Bubba Clinton. Hussein Obama is an irrefutable far left wingnut masquerading as a moderate independent-type Zell Miller Democrat. Well, there’s only one thing to be said about that! DON’T YOU BELIEVE IT! An absolutely a pathetic JOKE!

Then there are all the liberal/regressives™ and Dummycrats in government and the mainstream media who are despicably accusing conservative Republicans of playing the “fear card”. Even John McCain has said that there’s nothing to fear from an Obama presidency. The undeniable reality is that all of Heartland America is suspicious of his rhetoric and policy promises, and they are worried, all on their own, without any prompting from conservative media, or anyone else. So as a result, Hussein the great has retreated from many of his former far left wing positions on issues. So a message has to be communicated to every independent moderate swing voter in this country: DON’T FALL FOR IT! It’s obvious, considering his history, Hussein Obama plans to reverse his course on every one of the campaign promises he has made simply to placate those moderate, swing, and undecided voters.

So just look at the deplorable history of socialist communist government intrusion into the workings of the economy of the USA. Roosevelt prolonging the recession of 29/30 into the great depression of the entire decade of the 30’s. Jimmy Carter screwing up the economic progress made by Nixon and Ford. President Reagan letting the economy recover on it’s own, and Clinton getting the credit for it. And now, after eight years of letting the economy slowly recovering on its own after being messed up by Clinton’s policies (the downturn began while he was still in office - check it out!) Hussein the great will probably repeat the mistakes of Roosevelt and prolong the recession that would probably only last a few more months if John McCain is elected, that is IF he’s elected. And the Dummycrats would probably find some way to continue to blame President Bush for a another Dummycrat Great Economic Quagmire of a Depression. So when you get into that voting booth on November 4th, just ask yourself, do you want another decade long Dummycrat liberal/regressive™ Great Economic Quagmire of a Depression? Or do you want an autonomous conservative Republican free market system to allow the economy to build itself back up to strength and health in just a few months? It looks like a no-brainer to me.

MAYBE IF THEY’RE REEEEEAL GOOD AND STOP LYING,

If you think that Hussein Obama isn’t making campaign commitments of what he intends to do as president that he doesn’t intend to keep, then you’re crazier than a music lover at a Madonna concert. What? You think with all those juicy independent and undecided fence-sitting voters out there, that he’s going to tell the TRUTH? HA - HA - HA! Come ON! All this crap about cutting taxes for the middle class and making health insurance more affordable? Where have you heard THAT before? Of course he doesn’t expect anyone to remember that back in 1992 Clinton and Gore were telling everyone that they were going to cut taxes for the middle class. Did they? Not in the whole eight years, Bubba! And of course when he talks about health insurance, you know he’s never going to mention HOW he plans to do it. Why would he want you to know that he’s planning to nationalize our health insurance like Billary tried to do back in the 90’s? Because he knows that there are still too many intelligent Americans that know it would be a horrible mess. When’s the last time you tried to work out a problem with the IRS? When’s the last time you tried to resolve a mistake made by the Social Security Office, the Labor Department, the INS? When’s the last time you tried to deal with one of your local government agencies? Do you really want some bureaucratic numnut controlling something that affects, more directly than anything, your physical health and well-being???

Getting back to the main point of this rant, the Democrat penchant for lying, let’s examine a little history. Let’s start with Mr. Peanut. Jimmy Carter once claimed to be a “nuclear physicist and a peanut farmer.” He was NEITHER! He only had a bachelor’s degree, and he owned a peanut warehouse. Carter once boasted that at the completion of his term as governor he had left Georgia with a budget surplus of $200 million, but a very diligent journalist discovered that the true amount was $43 million, which was all that remained of a $91 million surplus Carter had inherited when he took office. Carter also once stated that in the 1967 war Israel preemptively attacked Jordan. This is a REALLY big deal: Israel took the West Bank from Jordan, the focus of most of today’s controversy. But the record is very clear that while preemptively attacking Egypt and Syria, Israel pleaded with Jordan (through American intermediaries) to stay out of the fray. King Hussein said NO WAY, and he ordered his forces to attack Israel, and the Israelis fought back. There are a peanut bushel basket full of other Jimmy lies. Google it for yourself. It’s fun!

How about BUBBA? WELL, where to begin? Let’s see, oh yeah; “I did not have sex with that woman!” And then there’s; On Sept. 8,1992, Bill Clinton said, “The only people who will pay more income taxes are the wealthiest 2 percent, those living in households making over $200,000 a year.” In response to a Bush-Quayle ad that people with incomes of as little as $36,000 would pay more taxes under the Clinton plan, Bill Clinton said on Oct. 1, 1992, “It’s a disgrace to the American people that the president (Bush) of the United States would make a claim that is so baseless, that is so without foundation, so shameless in its attempt to get votes under false pretenses.” Yet the NY TIMES in the analysis of Clinton’s budget wrote, “There are tax increases for every family making more than $20,000 a year!” “While Clinton continued to defend his middle-class tax cut publicly, he privately expressed the view to his advisers that it was intellectually dishonest.” (The Agenda, by Bob Woodward, p. 31) And we must not forget that President Clinton said on March 23, 1993 at a press conference: “My economic package will cut $500 billion from the deficit in five years. “Yet the projected deficit in 1998 with Clinton’s budget is $234 billion, the projected deficit in 2001 with Clinton budget is $401 billion. (These figures come from Bill Clinton’s budget document, “A Vision of Change for America.” - Feb. 1993. Also; the NY Times reported that people earning under $100,000 paid an additional $3 billion in ’94. But wait, Clinton and the media claimed that only the top 2% were going to pay more taxes. And yet another; July 1991: Question: “Have you ever used Marijuana or any illegal drugs?” Answer: “I’ve never broken any drug law.” - Arkansas Gazette, July 24th, 1991, p. 8B Asked this 3 times, on 3 separate occasions, by 3 different interviewers, your Great White Hope repeated this claim. Until faced with irrefutable proof, that is. Then he said: March 29th, 1992: “I’ve never broken a state law. But when I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two...” Later, in that same interview, “No one has ever asked me that question point-blank.” - The New York Times, March 30th, 1992, p. A15. How about foreign policy; Bosnia. On the campaign trail, Candidate Clinton said that he was qualified as Commander In Chief of the Arkansas National Guard to make military decisions. As an example, he bragged that if he were elected, he would bomb the Serbs. In May of 1993, he sent Warren Christopher to convince the Europeans to allow him to do just that. Christopher went with the ‘strongest message possible’ to urge England, France, and Germany that he was fully committed to this course. Even as the Secretary of State was waiting to meet with them in Geneva, Your Great White Hope appeared on the tube and said that ‘bombing the Serbs probably wouldn’t be necessary’. Warren Christopher is not noted for emotional displays: Some have suggested that he has had the centers in his brain responsible for emotion surgically removed. After Christopher heard what Fearless Leader did, he ALMOST cracked a frown. The Europeans went ballistic. Later, Clinton pushed the bombing shtick again to make himself look tougher than the average weenie and we all know what happened: The Serbs basically went on to conquer Bosnia. In that sad country you now had Serbian held territory and UN funded and run Serbian concentration camps disguised as ‘safe havens’. The only reason they hadn’t been overrun is the Serbs didn’t have the vaguest idea what to do with the refugees huddled in them. Good ’ol Bubba. Everyone’s favorite liar.

Finally, we explore the many and various non-truths of St. Barak the great. The biggest lie of Hussein Obama is that he is non-partisan. Lately, he has been saying that he is non-partisan in denying his liberal/regressive™ ideology to try to steal the votes of the non-partisan independent undecided voters. HAH! That’s the biggest load of bull crap to roll down the hill since Akamdinawhackjob denied the holocaust. Hussein Obama is more extreme left-wing liberal/regressive™ than my wife is expensive. Lie #2: Barak Obama in 2003,  talking to the AFL/CIO; “I happen to be a proponent of single-payer universal healthcare coverage. That’s what I’d like to see.” In January, 2008, Obama claimed in a nationally televised debate; “I never said that we should try to go ahead and get single-payer.”
Lie #3: On July 28th, the day after his speech at the Democratic convention catapulted him into the national spotlight, Barak Obama told a group of reporters in Boston that the United States had an “absolute obligation” to remain in Iraq long enough to make it a success. “The failure of the Iraqi state would be a disaster,” he said at a lunch sponsored by the Christian Science Monitor, according to an audiotape of the session. “It would dishonor the 900-plus men and women who have already died...  It would be a betrayal of the promise that we made to the Iraqi people, and it would be hugely destabilizing from a national security perspective. In late winter, 2008, on the campaign trail, Obama says he wants to bring the troops home on a timetable.
Lie #4: Obama now says Tony Rezko played a bigger fundraising role. Indicted Chicago businessman Antoin “Tony” Rezko was a more significant fundraiser for presidential candidate Barak Obama’s earlier political campaigns than Obama has previously admitted. Rezko raised as much as $250,000 for the first three offices Obama sought, the senator told the Tribune on Friday. Obama also said for the first time that his private real estate transactions with Rezko involved repeated lapses of judgment. The mistake, Obama said, was not simply that Rezko was under grand jury investigation at the time of their 2005 and 2006 dealings. “The mistake was he had been a contributor and somebody involved in politics,” he said. And this from a guy who is running for office based upon his judgment. Additionally, Obama also has taken in an unknown amount of money from people who attended fund-raising events hosted by Rezko since the mid-1990s. What will be the amount taken from Rezko next month? $500,000? A million??
Lie #5: “I Never Practiced Islam” - WHOA, there holy roller. You practiced it daily at school, where you were registered as a Muslim and kept that faith for 31 years, until your wife made you change, so you could run for office.
Lie #6: “My School In Indonesia Was Christian” - Not Quite. You were registered as Muslim there and got in trouble in Koranic Studies for making faces (check his book).
(Thus the significance and relevance of my using the name, HUSSEIN, NOT racism! - Dick)
Lie #7: “I Am Tough On Terrorism” - NOPE! You missed the Iran Resolution vote on terrorism and your good friend Ali Abunimah supports the destruction of Israel.
Lie #8: “I have the best plan to cure the Mortgage Crisis” - HAH!! You and your campaign buddy Penny “SubPrime Bank Collapse” Prizker have had your little fingers full of subprime cash. Obama has taken $1,180,103 from the top issuers of subprime loans. Obama received $266,907 from Lehman, $5395 from GMAC, $150,850 from Credit Suisse First Boston, $11,250 from Countrywide, $9052 from Washington Mutual, $161,850 from Citigroup, $4600 from CBASS, $170,050 from Morgan Stanley, $1150 from Centex, and last but certainly not least, Obama received $351,900 from Goldman Sachs. I’m sure that cash all came from folks who knew the subprime loan they had was a dream.
Lie #9: Tuesday, August 14, 2007, HANOVER, N.H.; Asked whether he would move U.S. troops out of Iraq to better fight terrorism elsewhere, he brought up Afghanistan and said, “We’ve got to get the job done there and that requires us to have enough troops so that we’re not just air-raiding villages and killing civilians, which is causing enormous pressure over there.”

I could go on and on and on. The point is, who can you really trust more? A Republican politician, or a Democrat politician? John McCain, or Barak Hussein Obama? The choice is yours, America. Anyone for some peanuts, a joint? Or would you rather just have some good old fashioned DEM. CROW?

Trained as a trial lawyer full of spin and rhetorical  zigs and zags and lies, Hussein Obama’s daily rants deserve an answer from the Heartland. So it is with great pride we present. . .

In the latest dictatorial blabbering from Hussein Obama, he tells us we should vote for what works. Well I can tell you what DOESN’T work. Socialist Communism doesn’t work. Liberal progressivism doesn’t work. What DOES work? Conservative Capitalism does work. Democratic Republicanism does work. So we might as well vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin. And to all the liberal/ regressive™ mainstream media jerks, and Obama campaign hired thugs accusing the American people of racism if they criticize Obama, who don’t have the guts to accuse people to their face, GO TO NEW JERSEY!

THE BRIDGE TO SOCIALIST COMMUNISM

Is anybody out there wondering why John McCain and the Republicans are getting the blamed by Obama and the Democrats for the current economic crisis when the situation should be exactly the opposite? The blame irrefutably belongs to Obama and the Democrats. According to the Fox News documentary, “Saving Our Economy, What’s Next?”, hosted by David Asman, there’s all kinds of treasury printing ink on the hands of Obama and other Democrats, past and present, for the Economic melt-down of the past few months. For many years now, many Republicans from President Bush through Senator McCain were trying to warn everyone and stop it. Even Greenspan was sending up warning flares. While on the other hand, many Democrats, including Chris Dodd, Chuck Schumer, and Barney Frank, were questioning and rejecting the warnings, claiming everything was “just fine”. And then there’s the indictment of Obama and the infamous Acorn affordable housing organization that he worked with, encouraging and supporting sub-prime mortgages. And please, don’t insult the intelligence of the American people by trying to refute and deny all this. There is tons of documentation and video proving it.

But don’t take my word for it, go see the documentary for yourself, if you can find it, and make up your own mind. You might not be able to, though, since Fox stopped showing it, and even talking about it, and it’s indictment of the Democrats. No transcripts are available of the show from Fox, and they won’t even let YouTube show it anymore. I can understand how the Communist News Network, otherwise known as CNN, and all the other liberal/regressive™ propaganda news outlets would not want to give it any attention, but not even Fox News is pushing Asman’s story. What the hell is going on? Has the world turned upside down? Is right wrong, and wrong right? Where is justice? Has it died? Because if it has, it won’t be long before free market capitalism, private property ownership, and Democratic liberty dies as well. We’ll all be marching to the tune of liberal/regressive™ socialist communist rule in our dark gray uniforms in one big commune with Hussein Obama as the permanent dictatorial General Secretary of the Union of American Socialist Republics.